Shufflers – love them, hate them, swear at them, ignore them, laugh at them or try desperately to copy them in front of your mirror at home. We’ve all been there and it seems like its a phenomenon that’s not about to shuffle to a quick demise any time soon.
So sit back and prepare for the relentless surge of urban towel wearing scenesters who will be rocking up in their swag outfits and ruining your beloved niche techno/house events.
Here are 5 steps you need to take in order to deal with the shuffling apocalypse.
1. Don’t Go Down South
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Don’t. It’s not worth it. If you’re already there then sorry but you’ve fucked it. The ancient ancestral home of the modern day deep house shuffle is known to be somewhere in the urban wastelands of an apparent ghetto called “London”. Experts in linguistics can identify Ally Pally and his crew’s dialect as native to that of a London urban youth who thinks he’s on the set of Kidulthood – The Musical.
Unfortunately recent news has indicated that shufflers have been spotted at Circoloco and the Warehouse Project in the north. But don’t worry. They’re hard them northern bastards, we can count on them to have a stern word and tell the silly fannies to just pack it in.
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